From 198a14bbc0b456ae1cb04e4330c3534a0987ccad Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Meta Vens Date: Sun, 23 Aug 2026 11:19:35 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] Add Kalsa examples to prose critic --- .epiphany/project-memory.md | 2 +- .epiphany/state/project-memory.cc | Bin 9269 -> 9425 bytes .../critics/AI-Isms and Prose.md | 220 ++++++++++++++++++ 3 files changed, 221 insertions(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/.epiphany/project-memory.md b/.epiphany/project-memory.md index ee94d70..6c2dd9b 100644 --- a/.epiphany/project-memory.md +++ b/.epiphany/project-memory.md @@ -30,7 +30,7 @@ database and does not grant canon status to any setting claim. - `memory-divine-uncertainty` — Gods are powerful, situated witnesses rather than authorial oracles. Divine confidence, memory, doctrine, and testimony remain evidence shaped by binding, rivalry, self-conception, and blind spots. - `memory-play-canon` — Persistent play creates receipts and canon candidates. Runtime outcomes become shared setting canon only when an owning canonical note explicitly adopts them. - `memory-independent-lore-review` — Every deepening pass uses seven independent lore critics before repair and after repair: institutional causality; culture and situated knowledge; material life and ecology; history, conflict, and change; Ghostlight play and consequence; AI-isms and prose; and reader experience and navigation. Critics diagnose, the coordinator adjudicates, subject notes own canon, and a no-finding report is valid. -- `memory-ai-ism-judgment` — AI-shaped prose is diagnosed by recurring construction and reading effect, never detector scores, word bans, or authorship claims. The unit of failure may be the corpus: locally polished paragraphs become alienating when different cultures repeatedly pass through the same disclaimer, balanced dispute, institutional repair, and unresolved-invoice sequence. Kalsa's known pressure includes correction theatre, symmetrical wonder-then-cost ledgers, list-clause congestion, repeated frames, checksum conclusions, viewpoint choruses, workshop-dialect leakage, and generic smoothing. Repair the repeated argumentative architecture through source carrier, action, custody, omission, and uneven emphasis; functional lists, deliberate rhetoric, exact uncertainty, and precise technical terms remain protectable. +- `memory-ai-ism-judgment` — AI-shaped prose is diagnosed by recurring construction and reading effect, never detector scores, word bans, or authorship claims. The unit of failure may be the corpus: locally polished paragraphs become alienating when different cultures repeatedly pass through the same disclaimer, balanced dispute, institutional repair, and unresolved-invoice sequence. Kalsa's known pressure includes correction theatre, symmetrical wonder-then-cost ledgers, list-clause congestion, repeated frames, checksum conclusions, viewpoint choruses, workshop-dialect leakage, and generic smoothing. Repair the repeated argumentative architecture through source carrier, action, custody, omission, and uneven emphasis; functional lists, deliberate rhetoric, exact uncertainty, and precise technical terms remain protectable. The version-controlled `AI-Isms and Prose` critic prompt carries an actual Kalsa before/after example and false-positive guidance for every named pressure. - `memory-public-entry-and-omission` — Public navigation should offer a concrete situated problem before optional surveys. An overview is allowed to omit traditions: shuffling every hidden family into a new order still reconstructs the author taxonomy. Let source-owned mechanisms, witnesses, and disagreements carry ethical limits instead of adding narrator-level correction ledgers and checksum conclusions. - `memory-situated-divine-evidence` — Public divine knowledge should follow the record and office responsible for each consequence: covenant origin, diff --git a/.epiphany/state/project-memory.cc b/.epiphany/state/project-memory.cc index c27b536212fd5dacf2632c7dc48ab295bf91bfa4..1e5333a84e0757d3843872ff57b69a5a70d91af2 100644 GIT binary patch delta 197 zcmW-bu}T9$6h&E5SfsHMg%nS$7ZX7+!Nx922#8oEO`fxNlY!Zp;mzz~s(ge$vat9G z`G9od*Eq4hhjZ@t{8V&T*>F0WJk1^-R>!-pzs<(i*-!s=^E^1v`wrAXf_64n&PH*@ zprp-9kr$y3#I~eYaRD1rqN7&i#nnENViAoqK&)cJh8AoB(+4UixaTTD2%lVggMUkv nX5`+5WNAU$MwdLY3Y2(4`miU em-dash asides, and mechanically parallel sections make reader prose feel > like a completed form rather than a discovered world. > +> ## Examples from Kalsa repairs +> +> These are comparison cases, not forbidden constructions or replacement +> templates. A **before** passage is defective because of its function and +> recurrence in the surrounding vault, not because its words are intrinsically +> bad. An **after** passage demonstrates one successful repair; do not teach the +> critic to reproduce its sentence shape everywhere. The full evidence trail is +> versioned under [[../../deepening/passes/KALSA-038-public-prose-saturation|KALSA-038]]. +> +> ### Correction theatre +> +> **Before:** the second sentence stages a rebuttal to an imagined reader after +> the first sentence has already made the useful point. +> +> ```text +> Discovery makes these claims visible. It does not erase them. +> ``` +> +> **After:** the door and the dormant claims carry the relation directly. +> +> ```text +> Opening the door brings dormant claims back into use. +> ``` +> +> The same habit can expand into a whole managed-ambiguity sequence. In this +> case every interpretation receives a countervoice, the appeal becomes a +> neutral container, inspection receives one exact jurisdiction, and the final +> sentence explains how wonder and engineering must relate. +> +> ```text +> Rhythmic knocks sounded at the shrine of a dead valve keeper. Hearth witnesses +> received them as warning and support. Their opponents blamed pipe stress or a +> manufactured omen. The appeal kept both the report and the dispute. +> +> Material inspection upheld the steward's warning. The knocks had brought +> attention to the shrine and the copied record; they had not answered the +> technical question. +> ``` +> +> **After:** the knock changes what Hearth witnesses do; the inspection then +> stands as a separate event. The prose leaves their relation open without +> installing a skeptic or explaining the approved uncertainty. +> +> ```text +> Rhythmic knocks sounded at the shrine of a dead valve keeper. Hearth witnesses +> received them as warning and support, and carried the copied page into the +> appeal under their sound. +> +> When inspectors opened the heatwork, its condition upheld the steward's +> warning. +> ``` +> +> ### Viewpoint chorus +> +> **Before:** each office receives one evenly weighted ability and one approved +> limit. The information is sound, but the paragraph reads like an authority +> map translated into sentences. +> +> ```text +> The covenant witnesses could still testify about entry and exit terms. They +> could not assign the body, count the reserve, or turn a manifestation into the +> dead anchor's final command. The stewards could keep a household alive without +> deciding whether its inherited service was lawful. The mortuary witnesses +> could preserve an accusation from the dead without giving it custody of the +> stores. +> ``` +> +> **After:** witnesses act upon books, grain, body, and inventory. The same +> authority boundary emerges from custody and consequence. +> +> ```text +> Covenant witnesses continued hearing entry and exit terms. Stewards kept the +> household minimum moving from the miracle ledger. The mortuary witnesses stayed +> with the body and death inventory. An accusation copied from the dead anchor +> therefore carried no order to open the stores. +> ``` +> +> ### Symmetrical wonder-then-cost ledger +> +> **Before:** the prose inventories every support category, states the wonder, +> and immediately invoices failed seasons and exhaustion. Elsewhere the vault +> used the same sequence for unrelated institutions. +> +> ```text +> Field and shield records place a Papsenai claim beside the seed, water, hands, +> stores, watches, and recovery that carried it. Practitioners describe a bond to +> a reachable future. The people provisioning the work ask where the failed +> season or exhaustion went. +> ``` +> +> **After:** material limits become a decision made before the working. The +> reserve remains visible without a completeness list or narrator's ethical +> receipt. +> +> ```text +> Before a Papsenai field bond begins, the household names the seed and +> subsistence it will withhold from the work. The shaman holds the remaining +> labor and reserve toward a reachable harvest. Later field records keep the +> decisions to continue, release, or abandon that future. +> ``` +> +> ### List-clause congestion +> +> **Before:** the route blurb tries to certify a complete appeal by naming four +> evidence and conflict categories, then appends the moral remainder. +> +> ```text +> The Closed Lift Appeal follows rival forecasts, a detained lift captain, +> concealed sponsor plans, and a fatigued brake through a civic appeal whose +> correction left material claims behind. +> ``` +> +> **After:** one concrete question and one consequential act give the reader +> enough information to choose the route. +> +> ```text +> Why did two sponsored forecasts omit what their sponsors planned to do with +> them? The Closed Lift Appeal makes the houses answer before the grain moves. +> ``` +> +> ### Repeated sentence frames +> +> **Before:** four consecutive lives are exhibited through identical `A ... +> may` sentences. +> +> ```text +> A household may owe grain to a shrine because its god diverted a flood. A +> clerk may compare three prophetic reports before scheduling a lift. A healer +> may refuse divine aid near a hungry burial ground. A worker may know from the +> sound of a pipe that the priest's inherited formula is being used in the wrong +> season. +> ``` +> +> **After:** the same breadth moves through grain, place, crew, refusal, sound, +> and family life with unequal sentence weights. +> +> ```text +> Most people meet the impossible while trying to make tomorrow resemble today. +> Grain pledged after a divine flood must still be planted and hauled. In a +> Sunwall ward, a clerk compares three prophetic reports before a lift crew moves +> the harvest. Elsewhere a healer turns divine aid away from a hungry burial +> ground, or a pipe worker hears an inherited formula used in the wrong season. +> Families form, bargain, worship, quarrel, and raise children through all of it. +> ``` +> +> ### Checksum conclusions +> +> An early Windtrap repair compressed a longer consequence list into a polished +> setup and reversal: +> +> ```text +> Their corrected record followed them. Their contracts did not. +> ``` +> +> Brevity did not solve the problem. The paired fragments made the author's +> control more audible. The accepted revision carries standing, livelihood, +> movement, and provenance in one uneven sequence: +> +> ```text +> The adopted keeper received a corrected record and no liability before changing +> family affiliation; the old contracts were never restored. Later copies have +> lost every name, the place, and the date. +> ``` +> +> ### Workshop-dialect leakage +> +> **Before:** `legible` and `frame` summarize several cultures through the +> workshop's language of model boundaries. +> +> ```text +> Each practice makes some evidence legible and leaves other evidence outside +> its frame. +> ``` +> +> **After:** a school-owned term leads to a specific inspection path and an +> exact evidentiary requirement. +> +> ```text +> Ju'onai schools call certain local causal scars aftermarks. An aftermark can +> send an inspector back to a shifted brace, a cracked seal, or a sequence of +> movements. Naming an actor or intention requires other evidence even in the +> strictest school accounts. +> ``` +> +> The repaired passage still contains analytic language. It earns that language +> through Ju'onai ownership and an act an inspector can perform. +> +> ### Generic smoothing +> +> **Before:** the route blurb reduces a peculiar shared structure to broad +> themes—water, accusation, and repair—and ends in atmospheric fog. +> +> ```text +> After the High Windtrap Broke follows water, accusation, and repair across +> three Selza'a family territories after a shared work fails in the fog. +> ``` +> +> **After:** dependency and the corroded anchor give the source a material edge +> without pretending to summarize its significance. +> +> ```text +> Three Selza'a families depend on the same high windtrap. After the High +> Windtrap Broke begins when its corroded anchor gives way. +> ``` +> +> ### False positives and edits to resist +> +> - `The table is not a table.` is deliberate antithesis spoken through the +> ritual and physical arrangement of a particular scene. It is not narrator +> correction theatre. +> - `Death does not guarantee silence.` states a setting condition before names, +> gestures, smoke, and burial grounds demonstrate it. It is not a moral +> qualification attached to praise. +> - The living-claims list in `Relics and Ruins` and the terms of a delving +> compact are functional play inventories. Their elements answer different +> questions at the table; compressing them would remove usable information. +> - A term such as `record`, `claim`, or `bounded` remains welcome when a named +> court, school, compact, or keeper owns it. Diffusion across unrelated +> narrators is the defect. +> > For every finding, quote or precisely locate the smallest relevant passage, > show whether it recurs elsewhere, explain the reading effect, and state what > work the passage still needs to perform. Recommend a repair direction such as